Stuck in a farewell

In my mission life I've a lot of time to think about myself. To talk to myself. To learn about myself. My friend Annalisa says that I always analyze everything that is happening to me deeply and rationally. I think she is right: I split everything into smaller and smaller pieces trying to understand. And sometimes I get stuck. Stuck in the mud.
I understood that I'm not able to say good bye. I mean of course I'm able, I went to so many good farewell parties and apparently everything is fine. Also my "previous-mission-farewell party" was great.
But inside me something is wrong. I'm not able to deal with eternity. It's just too big and too unavoidable and my rationality too small. And what is worse is that I'm stubborn. And the small safe world that I built up with efforts falls down. I've to start again. And so here I am, with myself.

And because I refuse to accept a farewell sometimes I get stuck. Stuck in the mud. Again.