Ironic

Did you think that Geneva was close to Rome? Did you think that once in Geneva my personal life would have been better?Did you think that in this way Edgar could have join me for nice week ends on the lake?Did you think that going to a civilized duty station would have meant having a normal life?

Well, all this assumptions were wrong.

Infact, due to Italian long and inefficient burocracy, Edgar is still waiting for the original copy of the residence document for Italy and with the temporary one he can't enter into Swiss nor ask for a visa...And check this: there are people waiting for the original copy since 2006!!!

So, since I checked the flights from Geneva to Rome and they are really expensive, it's impossible to think that I can come back every week end or every 15 days to Italy. Geneva can be closer for normal couples but not for us. Since Edgar can't come to visit me in Geneva, we will end up seeing each other probably every two months, like when I was in Liberia....My cousin was right whan he told me that Geneva was like Voinjama!

Isn it ironic?

Road to Neverland

While we are talking about satisfaction, let me take it to one step further. Ever one has a right of an opinion and mine has a lot to do with religion. You talked about "Zen" Culture. What i understand from your post is that it is a short of way of living with peaceful gardens and beautiful environment. Well it is not the philosophy that makes you relax or satisfied. It is the pleasant change which is portrayed through the pleasant gardens and whatever there is. But important factor is that someone is there to tell you how you should think.

This is the way all the religions are designed; they tell you how you should think. And their nothing wrong with it, our mind is a complex processor, if left without proper directions it may go on its own where things get tangles with each other. Just like any other machine.

What is interesting to know that not many people understand the actual reality, or should I say differentiate between different philosophies? Infect every thing is real, its people who tries to create a difference of real and not real.

Zen, may have essence of many past religion. But if I am not mistaken, it talks about peace, live and let live. The basis of every religion which exist today. I do not have particular interest in history, but there is a logical connection of emerging religions, one after another, each tries to give us something better or more than the other religion. But it is us who through our limited knowledge without going in dept start following whatever is new or in front of us.

Go back to the story of Adam; there was a religion that was what Adam believed. Each religion after Adam took something from him and through the evolution process it became to what most believe or at least I believe that last complete one. Jewish, Christens and Muslim, if the essences of these religions are explored the basic is same. It is human mind which has made them different.

So the idea of satisfaction is what we believe in, for some it is a long vacation, for some a good dinner, etc. Satisfaction is what your mind tells you, and many times somebody brain feeds you about what you want. It is the illusion around our mind which made us believe when we see something out of ordinary. Be aware to control your mind before it controls you and take you to neverland.

A word from ZEN

This is a word fro you, Yasir........
We had quite an exposure to Zen culture on Chiara's visit. The picture is one of those Zen object we saw in Ryoan-ji Temple (remember, Chiara?) The word on the washing basin says, "I just know how to be satisfied."

Wedding time

Surprised???Astonished??Scared????............

Tell me the truth, for a moment you thought I was talking about MY wedding...

Nooooooooo!Don't worry if I get married you will be invited, so you will know in due time, unless I fly to Las Vegas in a attack of madness, which is anyway quite impossible, since Edgar is colombian and won't be allowed to get in the States :-))!

No, in my very civilized new life I finally managed to be present to one of my dearest friend's wedding, meeting some old school mates and gossiping about our past 15 years from 10.30 in the morning to 8.30 in the evening, which is quite a good while and above all it's really fun.

Anyway, I don't deny that all this civilization, comfortable life, couple dinners, wedding cerimonies, babies, made me feel like getting married, especially when in my JPO orientation course they told me that I would get much more money if I had a dependant and my life will be much easier. In fact statistics say that JPOs normally get married the first year of their contract and are all pregnat the second year, due to UN benefits. Naho, since you are already married you can skip the first part and get pregnant the first year!

Out of jokes, I'm attending the JPO orientation program, I won't spend to much time on the professionally depressing part, but I met a lot of nice people and especially a lot of smiling, happy and positive married girls, who are really enthusiastic about their life and their future assignment and so positive about the possibility of being together even in the distance, or so proactive about a solution. The don't look tragic, they don't look depressed, they don't look stressed, they just look happy to live and to do this experience.This made me think about the way I spent my last year and a half, and I think that either was Liberia or it was me to be really in the bad spirit, taking difficulties as a tragedy and suffering so much when maybe there was a solution or at least a way to take it better.

It may be my civilized life now, but I feel that sometimes I, we (my bf and I) may have made things much more tragic than they were and I really hope this time can be different.

I hope I'm not just too relaxed due to civilization, I hope that something has really changed in me and that I, we, have finally learnt from experience.

Another point of view

It is said that satisfaction is a rare commodity. When you get satisfied you want some thing else with more intensity. I guess that is why you keep pushing your self for more. At times you have to kill yourself to get satisfaction and once you achieve it, after certain time usually very small the entire struggle become a memory and we keep our self involve in another struggle for another satisfaction. I use to believe that after my struggle in college I would have well paid job and my life would be set. But so far it never happened. I believed that once I am married my life would be set and won’t have to struggle. But that is not the case. By grace of God I am so happy to live with my wife, but struggle is not over. Every day is another struggle. I guess I have to let go of this feeling that once get something my life would be set. I need to find a way to settle down with restless and endless struggle. Life is after all continuous struggle.

Confused

It is that I spent too much time in Voinjama that when i go to super market here i tend to buy as if I am stocking, or is it that everything is available easily and I am not use to it... Honestly I am having ball of time in Khartoum, where interestingly there in not much to do, its hot, its expensive- mere fact that I can buy anything I want in few mins gives huge happiness... Well its true that only until you do not have something you start realizing how important it is and what affects it has on your life......