Lonely

I think that maybe being adult and being a mission life person also means feeling alone in a deeper way. Or better, feeling on your own.
In these days I felt that no matter how many people I had or I searched around me to ask for advice, to share my doubts, my fears, my indecision, my expectations, I still felt alone. I felt anyway that the full weight of a decision is on me, no matter what it will be; it’s not sufficient anymore, to feel released, spending hours talking about it, or calling another person to ask for another opinion. The disturbing, anxiety, stressing feeling still remains in me and I'm not feeling better. And it’s not only because a lot of persons I wanted to talk with, are not reachable anymore, that I feel lonely. Still, I can see clearly all the pros and cons of the two or many ways, I can take and still I can see that whatever I chose I’m leaving something, I’m giving up with something and the consequences will be anyway on me. Maybe being used to mission life also means knowing what decision to take without too many doubts, emotions and sense of loyalty to commitments, persons, and agencies. It means maybe not having dobuts in front o a carrer for emotions.
But at the same time, being adult also means understanding that there is nothing that others can decide for us. I’ve always known that, but now I feel it and I really feel alone.